What do you do when loved ones do not support your financial plans?

Hi all,

As per title, what do you do when one of your loved ones does not support your financial plans?

mother-sonRecently I have  been researching on entrepreneurship, which I will explain the reason in detail in the forthcoming write-up, and received two requests for partnership on startups via two different socializing platforms. Without detailing the actual companies, I believe there are definitely potential in both the startups. And as an added bonus, they are not asking for my investment- they are looking for someone with my skill sets. So why not?

Thinking about it seriously as one of my life’s life changing moments, I approached my mum for advice and her views. It was then I came to realise the reason why my dad has yet to fully succeed in his many endeavours(two local partnership startups, multiple investment techniques, etc) despite having so much knowledge, experience and skills in both financial management and entrepreneurship. I had never thought about how it felt when I am in my dad’s shoes till today. Back to it, basically after telling her that I have the interest in joining the potential partnerships, she lectured me.

Mum: “Internet all scam artist, you better don’t anyhow join them!”
Me: “No lah, I have done my research, ma. The owner has started up two companies before and current startup has been established for six years and has a proven record based on the social network profile.”
Mum: “Internet I can also put my company has 10 years of record. Don’t be stupid. If they already six years why would they need you?”
Me: “They are looking for suitable members to join their team and expand overseas ma. Anyway, it is a risk I have to take if I want to be successful. Even if it is a failure, I will definitely learn much more than not trying, right?”
Mum: “Successful… Go study, get a Masters then a good paying job. That is successful!”
Me: “No thanks, I don’t want to limit my future to just working for others. I want to own a business venture myself one day and live doing what I love to do…”
Mum: “Own a business. Who do you think you are. If it’s that easy, everyone would be business owners. Don’t even dream about it”
Me: Speechless “You are not even encouraging me to fight for what I want in life…” Walks away

Well, so that’s all to it for the conversation. I am not sure if any of you guys have ever experienced this sort of event where your loved ones not only refused to support but also given harsh words on something you are passionate to start. And since he/she is someone you dearly love, you merely took those words to heart. I deem that this emotion distress and stress is enough to trample everything my dad has built up. Maintaining ventures and portfolios are pressuring enough…
However on the other hand, only when I look from my mum’s perspective of an overly conservative money manager and just being straight-forward as she usually is, I can let it off my heart. But never totally.

So now the question to my readers as I really want to learn from your experience(if any) and know your views on this. Who is right and who is wrong? Should one listen to his loved ones and give up on his life goal, or should he stick with it and ignore advice from them?

The Independent Abecedarian

It’s either you dream big, or nothing!

28 thoughts on “What do you do when loved ones do not support your financial plans?

    1. Hi Uncle8888!

      Glad to have you here in my blog and comment! Thank you for sharing the article, it’s a long read!
      I had known that there is nothing for me to forgive but I just didn’t know why. Now that I read this interview passage, I understood fully.
      “People don’t hurt others intentionally – they only do so out of their own pain”
      My mum indeed has some awful past when it comes to mutual fund investments and company partnerships. She now exclusively does not trust any outsider to manage her money.
      Knowing her past, I believe the only thing I can do now is to slowly persuade and educate her with actual facts, statistics and case studies about my financial goals and interest 🙂

      Anyway I have been wanting to comment on your blog posts but they require an OpenID account or some sort. I hope you will adjust the settings to allow anonymous comments to be made so I am able to manually enter the name and URL to share my opinions on your posts! 🙂

      The Independent Abecedarian

        1. Haha! That is a very good way to describe it! However I am a person who really needs moral support and a great push to work towards my destination.
          Do you still keep it fully in secret till today? You are already considered a respectable investor to me! 🙂
          As I am using my personal google account for this blog, so if I have to use OpenID, I would have to logout this account and use that. Anyway it’s just my suggestion for you as I thought it would highly improve the discussion flow in your blog! 🙂

          The Independent Abecedarian

  1. The Independent Abecedarian,

    There’s a saying often quoted by those with numerous battle scars in my ex-company:

    It’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

    Please do not quote this statement lightly. Those who can’t stand the heat should not be in the kitchen 😉

    I like your tagline: It’s either you dream big, or nothing! (Now that’s the power of youth!)

    You have asked mom; now you are seeking advice from your readers on what is “right or wrong” 😉

    Reading here I guess you know there’s a gap between who you want to be and who you are (today)….

    No worries!

    I am cheering you on!

    It’s part of the growing up and discovering process as we pass through different life stages.

    Some discover who they are early; some much later in life.

    Some never discover themselves as they are busy trying to be the person they think what others expect of them…

    Tip: If it ain’t fun, you know 😉

    1. Hey Jared!

      Thanks alot for your sharing of your experience and view! Dreaming is one thing, but taking action is another! I should really get to it now and take real action to reach my goals; I would never know if I never try. Even if I did not manage to reach my ultimate goal towards the moon, I would still land among the stars right? That is the scenario I will then ask for forgiveness..
      You are right. I am still unsure of who I am today although I know who I want to be. Maybe because it’s my lack of life experiences, or little general knowledge, or even fickle mindset.
      Thank you again for having my back, I really appreciate your encouragement. And I hope to discover who I really am soon!

      The Independent Abecedarian


    Seriously, throw caution to the wind, what is the worst that could happen? Firms like the big-4 are always hiring so you could always fall back on that.

    1. Hello JW!

      Thanks for sharing your take on this!
      “What is the worst that could happen?” This is what one of my successful friend always say to me whenever I hesitate on a decision!
      This is a great reminder for me to not be hesitant and to go for whatever I feel right!
      And having something to fall back on is always be a great contingency plan by itself.

      The Independent Abecedarian

  3. I have been on four different career paths since graduation. Sure, my resume may look haphazard, but I had followed what I wanted to do, and I had gained friends and unexpected wisdom along the way.

    If it works out, you gain success. If it doesn’t, you gain experience. Just don’t lug around a big sack of regrets when you are old.

    1. Hello!

      I sincerely envy your experiences and your fortitude in following really what you want to do. I believe those wisdom and experiences are definitely worth the results regardless.
      I appreciate the sharing of your wisdom- I really hope I will take some action soon and not lug a big sack of regrets in future!
      Anyway, nice blog you have there! Will keep your blog in my read list 🙂

      The Independent Abecedarian

  4. We are living in a world of perspective (depending on which side of the fence you are sitting on), no right no wrong. However, even with some disapproval, I would hope you will take up the challenge and follow your heart. Youth is the most valuable asset, make full use of it 😉

    1. Hey Richard,

      Great to have you here sharing your view on this!
      I guess you are right. Being right or wrong is very subjective due to differences in culture, experiences, knowledge, beliefs, etc. Thank you for your encouragement; I really hope to learn something from this even if it does not end in the best way possible 🙂

      The Independent Abecedarian

  5. Hi IA,

    Go for it! Learn the mistakes and learn what are your limits by pushing it all the time 🙂

    My mum is still asking me if I’m working (I’m a full time tutor since graduation). She has never approved of my choice of earning my living. In the first few years, she kept asking me why I don’t go and find a proper job. I ignored it for several years until she grew to accept reluctantly that I’m not going to listen. But sometimes, you know, she’ll compare with my brother and boast about how he is making it big in his own career. It’s alright, my choice, my own path 🙂

    To be successful is to be defeated by bigger and bigger things in life. But it’s not going to be easy of course. In fact, it’s downright lonely and a journey full of doubts.

    Last couple of years I also tried to do a business but it didn’t work out well. Didn’t lose a lot of money but learn a ton of lessons, that are immediately applicable to my job. True, it didn’t work out well, but I learned that I really really like what I’m doing. It’s only when you’re being tested that you know what you want. It’s funny, we have to go around the whole world to realise our home is where we are right now. But that’s the journey of an independent person – one who seeks his own path and discovers his life by adventuring.

    Go with both eyes open, and both ears open!

    1. Hello LP!

      That is what I call real dedication and courage to take action on what you really want to do!
      I think I will go for it, know my limits and then exactly take a step over that line to see what happens 🙂
      I sincerely appreciate your share of your personal story and I guess I am more or less facing the same dilemma that you had. I had to be lonely and feeling empty with doubts everywhere..
      However seeing you taking those confident strides towards your passion without regrets, you seemed to have made the right choice!
      With your advice to heart, I am trusting my gut. 😉

      The Independent Abecedarian

  6. It is a process of discovering yourself, your inner strengths, your weaknesses.
    To know who you really are, are you cut out for entrepreneurship, or an employee?
    What are you really good at, and how can you grow as a person, as a business owner, or as an employee? This is your journey to discover and find out more as long as you have done your due diligence.

    All parents love their children, but the advice may or may not always be the best, esp. if they have encounter past failures or negativity and continued with that belief, and of course they would not want their off springs and loved ones to encounter similar results, or may also have the same negative results.

    If you believe you have done all the necessary checks and balance, then you go with your plans and find out the results.

    Some quotes, and info for you to understand more: https://plus.google.com/b/110380020674041606762/110380020674041606762/posts

    1. Hi Numbers,

      Thank you for your valuable input for this post.
      Whether I am cut out for entrepreneurship or an employee, I can only say that I definitely choose being an entrepreneur compared to being an employee. I do not just working under anyone, in fact, I love to work for/with people. I just need these people to appreciate my work as it provides me a big sense of accomplishment and respect of my hard work to push me on working the next project.

      Thanks for your words of wisdom. What you said is definitely true as my mum did experienced some negative encounters in the past. But if I never try, I will never be able to prove to her that her thinking is flawed.
      One might have the best idea and even a business plan that could be the next big thing- to save lives, to create jobs for his nation, to make his nation proud. But if he does not take action, things won’t just happen. Therefore I will be sure to do my necessary due diligence, take a deep breath, and a step forward.

      By the way, great quotes and analysis you have got there on your site! Will be sure to look around more there.

      The Independent Abecedarian

      1. Yes, it is a process of discovering and finding your passion and right business based on your profile.

        As long as you continuously take action, and be discipline, and find a good mentor to give good advice and directions in your business, you should be able to succeed in whatever you do.

        Normally, one’s negatives encounters and failures are used as experience to prevent the next generation or off springs from following in the same steps. But with the right mentor and people, and good business strategy, there is no reason that you will fail, so do give it a go!

        All the best in your entrepreneur journey, and maybe you can also share it with the future generations once you are successful and have the experience and story to tell 😀

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    1. Hi Betsey,

      Thanks for your appreciation and comment. This is a paid theme I got my hands on but I have also made several changes to it.
      I have seen your article too. Great writing, keep it up too!

      The Independent Abecedarian

  8. I tend not to write many comments, however i did some searching and wound up here What do
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    | The Independent Abecedarian Financial Blog. And I do
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    a few of the responses appear like they are coming from brain dead visitors?

    😛 And, if you are posting on additional places, I
    would like to keep up with anything fresh you have to post.
    Could you make a list of every one of all your public sites
    like your linkedin profile, Facebook page or twitter feed?

  9. An attention-grabbing dialogue is price comment. I think that you must write extra on this subject, it might not be a taboo subject however typically persons are not enough to speak on such topics.
    To the next. Cheers

    1. Hi Robbie!

      I guess so. I will be writing extra on the entrepreneurship part soon. Do follow my blog and get notified when I post it up!
      I try to share in the most neutral way I can making sure it is not one sided! And I encourage my readers to give share too!
      Hope to see you around soon.

      The IA

  10. Heya are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own.

    Do you need any coding expertise to make your own blog?
    Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    1. Hi Elisha,

      Thanks for the comment! Yes I am using WordPress Blog Platform.
      With WordPress, you do not really need any coding experience at all. Those experience could allow you to further customise your blog though!
      You contact me via my Contact page and I will be glad to help you get started on your own blog! 🙂
      Good luck with your site!

      The IA

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